I normally steer clear of politics, both in my general life and in this blog. But I feel I have to speak out.
This week, North Carolina (where I live) passed its first amendment to it's state Constitution, to restrict the legal definition of marriage to being between a man and a woman. Which sounds like simple bigotry and homophobia masquerading as morality, but frankly also eliminates a lot of public services from single parents, including heterosexuals, and people fleeing an abusive spouse. I can't understand the justification for this. The reasons I have heard most about are just not defensible:
The Bible says so - The bible says lots. Most people simply pick and choose which passages are worth living by, and make excuses for the rest. Whenever someone invokes the bible as a reason for their actions, I shudder at the hideous history of that justification. The separation of church and state should nullify the validity of this in any public policy discourse, but lately it has been creeping back in. The religious (left and right) are trying to overthrow our government, and I can't stand for that.
Defending the sanctity of marriage - Seriously? What are we even talking about here? That marriage is sacred, more sacred than civil equality? Something is sacred only if people imbue it with that quality, and frankly there aren't a lot of people out there doing that for marriage. If you want to protect the sanctity of marriage, lead by example, not by rhetoric. Protect the sanctity of your marriage. You have no right to mess with, or deny, anyone elses. And still, we are blurring the line between church and state. If the government holds anything to be sacred, it is only those self-evident truths we built our government on.
Marriage is a privilege, not a right, and therefore not protected by the constitution - Finally, someone is trying to couch some arguments in a non-religious context. Unfortunately, marriage falls under the broad definition of 'pursuit of happiness'. So, yeah, it is a right.
Heterosexual union is the best for children and society - Best for children? Care to show any documentation on that claim? Most pedophiles are straight men, molesting girls who are most often their own, or closely related to them. Best for society? How is that being measured?
The purpose of marriage is to provide a stable unit for raising children - My wife and I are childless. Is our marriage not valid? Stand within spitting distance and say that.
As I'm writing this, I realize that I'm using straw-man arguments here. But I haven't heard any valid reasons for what transpired here on May 8th, 2012. To me, the law was not only bigoted and homophobic, but poorly worded and ambiguous. It's defeat seemed like such a no-brainer, there was no way my fellow citizens would allow it to stand. I forgot that I live in a state where even thirty years ago, the Klan was a legitimate power. It seems that the weakness of moral fiber that infects my state has not truly been eradicated.
My wife and I cast our vote, and lost. But I haven't given up hope on this state. Not everyone here is so deluded, and we will drag North Carolina back into the light of freedom and justice for all, I do believe.
Friday, May 11, 2012
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Staying Busy
I'm done with the big project that had dominated my days last month (and the fist part of this month). And now I'm wading through all the projects that I had put off because of the big project. And I'm still getting people calling for work, so this year looks to be a whooole bunch better than last year.
Of course, mostly that means I can pay off debts incurred, and pay back into the savings account that was essentially emptied, etc. But still, I should have enough to have a little fun, possibly in the form of a vacation, or some new toys.
Meanwhile, I'm trying to get a handle on how I deal with time. It seems that I'm always just slightly stressed about it, even now. I can't seem to relax for very long. I've mentioned this before, so I won't go over it all again, I'm just a little concerned that the feelings are still here, even when I've had a good month, financially speaking. Maybe it's because the money isn't yet in my hand. Not sure.
When I was younger, I used to walk for miles, mainly to get some time to think to myself. Now I can't even consider something like that.
My wife is very good at undoing that tendency in me, so I'm lucky there. I try to sit on myself when I think, at the end of the day, maybe I should go back and do a little more work on x... Because I recognize that I need time to relax and if I don't take it, I'll get strung out pretty quick.
Of course, mostly that means I can pay off debts incurred, and pay back into the savings account that was essentially emptied, etc. But still, I should have enough to have a little fun, possibly in the form of a vacation, or some new toys.
Meanwhile, I'm trying to get a handle on how I deal with time. It seems that I'm always just slightly stressed about it, even now. I can't seem to relax for very long. I've mentioned this before, so I won't go over it all again, I'm just a little concerned that the feelings are still here, even when I've had a good month, financially speaking. Maybe it's because the money isn't yet in my hand. Not sure.
When I was younger, I used to walk for miles, mainly to get some time to think to myself. Now I can't even consider something like that.
My wife is very good at undoing that tendency in me, so I'm lucky there. I try to sit on myself when I think, at the end of the day, maybe I should go back and do a little more work on x... Because I recognize that I need time to relax and if I don't take it, I'll get strung out pretty quick.
Friday, March 16, 2012
Keeping busy...
Well I'm hip-deep in a big project now, I'm at the stage where I just have to make sure all the plates keep spinning. And of course everyone keeps coming to me with more work. Sure, most of it is small projects, but man how I wish I could have had this much attention in October, or November, or December, back when I was essentially idle.
So it seems the key to success is staying busy. Not much of a revelation, really.
So it seems the key to success is staying busy. Not much of a revelation, really.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
15 Steps for a Successful Kickstarter Project
I just ran across this as I was thinking about Steve Long's upcoming Mythic Hero Kickstarter. Some interesting ideas, and from a game designer as well.
Update - there is a large community developed around Kickstarter, it is sort of fascinating to watch. It's like a tiny 'internet bubble', but it seems backed by real money; over $100 million backed so far, and KS gets a share of that - I think 8%. I wonder where it will all be in decade? Will all art projects seek this ultimately democratic patronage?
What about infrastructure? This would be an interesting alternative to taxation - you only fund the projects you are interested in: highways, bridge repair, faster internet, space program? Imagine getting to have your name on a plaque on Mars for choosing the $100 tier?
There's a short story in there somewhere.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Getting Busy
After a three month lull, it now seems that everyone and their brother wants me to do some work for them. It's not just my existing clients, either. I have people literally calling me up out of the blue. After the famine, I'm faced with the feast side of the problem - how can I keep all my clients (old and new) happy?
Someone recently asked me, point blank, what would it take for me to close down Argos (and work for someone full time). I'd never really looked at it that way, never phrased that question in my head. But it's an important question. Am I content to continue on with my own business, or do I want to be part of a larger team. There are several considerations here:
Security - I know, I know. Security is an illusion. Even assuming everyone is playing fair, things might not work out with an employer, or the employer could go under. If I were to turn my back on my existing clients, they would find someone to replace me - and if I went back later, it would be nearly impossible to reopen those doors. For all its risks, Argos is mine. It would take an awful lot of money or some guarantee of severance pay, or some ownership in the new company to make that part of it worthwhile. I've had clients call back after two years of complete silence, ready to start up a stalled project. But if I closed the doors, all that would be gone. Things might be different if I could bring the clients with me, say to a new design agency in exchange for some share of the business, but in this case that wouldn't work.
Stability - The main drawback to having a one man company is that when things go up and down, I go up and down with it. These last three months have been absolutely terrible for the company, and I've had to dip into savings more than I wanted to. A steady paycheck is damn attractive at times. Knowing that I get two weeks of vacation (which would be two weeks more than I took in the first eight years of running Argos), that my insurance is covered, and my tax withholding is taken care of. Just knowing that I'm going to have x amount of money at the end of every month. It's really appealing.
Fewer Hats - I know that working at a small company, you have to do multiple jobs. If I'm hired for graphics, and there's a juicy new client opportunity, everyone throws together to get new sales materials together, or helps pack widgets for a deadline, or fixes the printer, or just picks up slack when someone else is sick. But that's nothing compared to doing it all yourself. Not just the work, but the administrative stuff. Entering all the expenses and reconciling the bank statements. Filing the monthly and quarterly forms for every little thing. Doing any and all sales, coming up with marketing campaigns without someone to bounce ideas off of. I have always felt that I'm being held back by my weakest points (sales) rather than being supported by my strongest (design). With a team of people, you all get lifted by your strengths, not held down by your weaknesses.
Being Social - This might not seem that important, but working by yourself is very isolating. I tend to have good rapport with my clients (one actually used to work for me, another I have dinner with on a regular basis). But there's still this me/them wall, and it's not just in my head. When I'm working at a client's office, there inevitably comes a time when they are talking about stuff that I'm not really invited into. I'm not one of them. It's subtle, but it lingers. Even in other parts of my life, I find I don't ask for help because I know I'm alone. I even write a blog for an audience of one.
Potential Earnings - Someone once told me that no employer will ever pay you enough to retire young, because it's in their best interest to keep you hungry. I have no real interest in retiring young, but you get the point. Given the last three months of no work, and the preceding two years of less and less work, it's hard to keep in mind that being on my own has higher potential earnings than working for someone else. But the emphasis here is on 'potential'. This one I think is a wash, really. Frankly I've never really been in it for the money.
So what are you in it for? - One of the key things I like about working for myself is that each project brings new problems to solve. I'm almost never asked to do the same thing twice (or it's something small, like an illustration). Sure, there are repeatable elements, but I can guarantee that if I was working for a big company, I would have almost no web design experience, no database experience, I wouldn't know anything about JavaScript or possibly even 3D rendering. I certainly wouldn't have learned how to drive a forklift, or weld tube steel. I like being a jack of all trades. I enjoy being able to solve problems in new areas. It's hard to imagine working for someone else and getting that level of creative freedom.
As tempting as it is to throw my hands in the air and say 'give me a paycheck, take away the red tape, and constantly variable income," I find that I just can't do it. Not at this point. Certainly not just when things seem to be looking up. If they had asked in the middle of December, my answer might have been 'a steady paycheck'. But I know I would have regretted such a decision.
So my answer to the original question is simply, 'I can't think of anything.' But that just leaves me where I started. Now my task is to craft some sort of agreement with clients who can give me just a little stability, in exchange for some earning potential. It's going to be a tricky balancing act, and might need to be revisited as things come and go. But I think it's best for my long term stress levels and sanity.
Someone recently asked me, point blank, what would it take for me to close down Argos (and work for someone full time). I'd never really looked at it that way, never phrased that question in my head. But it's an important question. Am I content to continue on with my own business, or do I want to be part of a larger team. There are several considerations here:
Security - I know, I know. Security is an illusion. Even assuming everyone is playing fair, things might not work out with an employer, or the employer could go under. If I were to turn my back on my existing clients, they would find someone to replace me - and if I went back later, it would be nearly impossible to reopen those doors. For all its risks, Argos is mine. It would take an awful lot of money or some guarantee of severance pay, or some ownership in the new company to make that part of it worthwhile. I've had clients call back after two years of complete silence, ready to start up a stalled project. But if I closed the doors, all that would be gone. Things might be different if I could bring the clients with me, say to a new design agency in exchange for some share of the business, but in this case that wouldn't work.
Stability - The main drawback to having a one man company is that when things go up and down, I go up and down with it. These last three months have been absolutely terrible for the company, and I've had to dip into savings more than I wanted to. A steady paycheck is damn attractive at times. Knowing that I get two weeks of vacation (which would be two weeks more than I took in the first eight years of running Argos), that my insurance is covered, and my tax withholding is taken care of. Just knowing that I'm going to have x amount of money at the end of every month. It's really appealing.
Fewer Hats - I know that working at a small company, you have to do multiple jobs. If I'm hired for graphics, and there's a juicy new client opportunity, everyone throws together to get new sales materials together, or helps pack widgets for a deadline, or fixes the printer, or just picks up slack when someone else is sick. But that's nothing compared to doing it all yourself. Not just the work, but the administrative stuff. Entering all the expenses and reconciling the bank statements. Filing the monthly and quarterly forms for every little thing. Doing any and all sales, coming up with marketing campaigns without someone to bounce ideas off of. I have always felt that I'm being held back by my weakest points (sales) rather than being supported by my strongest (design). With a team of people, you all get lifted by your strengths, not held down by your weaknesses.
Being Social - This might not seem that important, but working by yourself is very isolating. I tend to have good rapport with my clients (one actually used to work for me, another I have dinner with on a regular basis). But there's still this me/them wall, and it's not just in my head. When I'm working at a client's office, there inevitably comes a time when they are talking about stuff that I'm not really invited into. I'm not one of them. It's subtle, but it lingers. Even in other parts of my life, I find I don't ask for help because I know I'm alone. I even write a blog for an audience of one.
Potential Earnings - Someone once told me that no employer will ever pay you enough to retire young, because it's in their best interest to keep you hungry. I have no real interest in retiring young, but you get the point. Given the last three months of no work, and the preceding two years of less and less work, it's hard to keep in mind that being on my own has higher potential earnings than working for someone else. But the emphasis here is on 'potential'. This one I think is a wash, really. Frankly I've never really been in it for the money.
So what are you in it for? - One of the key things I like about working for myself is that each project brings new problems to solve. I'm almost never asked to do the same thing twice (or it's something small, like an illustration). Sure, there are repeatable elements, but I can guarantee that if I was working for a big company, I would have almost no web design experience, no database experience, I wouldn't know anything about JavaScript or possibly even 3D rendering. I certainly wouldn't have learned how to drive a forklift, or weld tube steel. I like being a jack of all trades. I enjoy being able to solve problems in new areas. It's hard to imagine working for someone else and getting that level of creative freedom.
As tempting as it is to throw my hands in the air and say 'give me a paycheck, take away the red tape, and constantly variable income," I find that I just can't do it. Not at this point. Certainly not just when things seem to be looking up. If they had asked in the middle of December, my answer might have been 'a steady paycheck'. But I know I would have regretted such a decision.
So my answer to the original question is simply, 'I can't think of anything.' But that just leaves me where I started. Now my task is to craft some sort of agreement with clients who can give me just a little stability, in exchange for some earning potential. It's going to be a tricky balancing act, and might need to be revisited as things come and go. But I think it's best for my long term stress levels and sanity.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Happy New Year
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| Walking in a Winter Wonderland |
There are a few things I would want to change - this is the first time I've used subsurface scattering to any extent, or the tree generating script - but it looks pretty good, and it's already two weeks late. Maybe I'll use it in a card next year.
Posted with BlogsySaturday, October 29, 2011
City Street
I've put far more detail into some of the objects in the scene than I'll ever need, especially the textures for things like the fire hydrant and mailbox. And far more actual modeling in the street lamp. And some of the object scales are off. And of course it needs more light, badly. It looks like twilight at the moment. I'll probably fix that using the compositor nodes when it's all said and done.
Still, it's been fun. Next step is to link this whole scene into the trike file to and add the motion and then render. And hopefully I'll find ways to re-use the elements so it won't feel like they were wasted effort.
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